- Reuters
- Nolan Ryan hit a higher top speed on the radar gun than everyone else who threw in the eighth inning … except Darren Aronofsky.
Most kids probably got sent to bed when the Rangers were winning 5-0. You probably fell asleep dreaming of Tonka trucks and Cold Stone Creamery and a convincing Rangers Game 1 victory. But when you woke up Saturday morning and saw the final score, you must have exclaimed, “WHAT. THE. HOT. FUDGE. SUNDAE?”
Yes, it was disturbing. The Rangers had this one in their grasp. They pounced early on Yankees ace CC Sabathia – Texas slugger Josh Hamilton stroked a three-run homer in the first inning. It was 5-0 by the end of the fourth inning. Then Mom and Dad rushed you upstairs because they didn’t want to open that second bottle of wine while you were still awake, and they had three entire episodes of “Weeds” to watch.
Hours passed, and the score remained 5-0. But then, at 3:30 a.m., the Yankees struck. First Robinson Cano hit a dinger. Then the Yankees scored five whole runs in the eighth inning. The Rangers couldn’t get anyone out. They rotated through dozens of pitchers. C.J. Wilson pitched. Darren Oliver pitched. Darren O’Day pitched. “Requiem for a Dream” director Darren Aronofsky pitched, which was very cool looking but no one understood it.
Finally Texas owner Nolan Ryan, sitting behind home plate, said, “Aw, horse beans, that’s it,” and wandered out in his khakis, grabbed a ball (he refused a glove) and mercy-finished the inning. By then the Yankees had a 6-5 lead and were on their way to a stunning victory.
The Rangers really hate playing at home. They apparently hate playing at home more than Billy, that neighborhood kid who’s always ringing on your door at 8 a.m. wanting to play Wii Tennis. Texas has not won a home game in the playoffs. They’re calling the Tampa Rays and asking if they can borrow Tropicana Field for today’s game. Someone get some Friskies and a can opener and see if DJ Kitty will come in from the yard. (Run, DJ Kitty, run for your life and dignity!)
Today’s Yankees-Rangers game starts early, at 4 p.m., which means if you are very good, your parents will let you stay up until midnight to see it finish.
Ask your parents to play the “Must Win” cookie game. Every time a TBS announcer says the Rangers face a “Must Win,” you get to eat a cookie. The game ends after 70 cookies or if you’re found jumping up and down on the coffee table in ski boots, gnawing on a copy of Architectural Digest.
As a public service for young readers, the Journal presents Baseball Past Your Bedtime, a summary of Major League Baseball playoff games that end late at night. This is a synopsis for Friday night’s ALCS Game 1 between the New York Yankees and Texas Rangers:
Hey kids, we just hope you’re not from Texas. If you are, and Mom and Dad let you stay up until the end of Game 1, we can recommend a very good child psychologist. He’s gifted at dealing with pre-adolescent sports trauma; he’s worked with a lot of young fans of the Minnesota Vikings, the University of Michigan and English soccer.
Most kids probably got sent to bed when the Rangers were winning 5-0. You probably fell asleep dreaming of Tonka trucks and Cold Stone Creamery and a convincing Rangers Game 1 victory. But when you woke up Saturday morning and saw the final score, you must have exclaimed, “WHAT. THE. HOT. FUDGE. SUNDAE?”
Yes, it was disturbing. The Rangers had this one in their grasp. They pounced early on Yankees ace CC Sabathia – Texas slugger Josh Hamilton stroked a three-run homer in the first inning. It was 5-0 by the end of the fourth inning. Then Mom and Dad rushed you upstairs because they didn’t want to open that second bottle of wine while you were still awake, and they had three entire episodes of “Weeds” to watch.
Hours passed, and the score remained 5-0. But then, at 3:30 a.m., the Yankees struck. First Robinson Cano hit a dinger. Then the Yankees scored five whole runs in the eighth inning. The Rangers couldn’t get anyone out. They rotated through dozens of pitchers. C.J. Wilson pitched. Darren Oliver pitched. Darren O’Day pitched. “Requiem for a Dream” director Darren Aronofsky pitched, which was very cool looking but no one understood it.
Finally Texas owner Nolan Ryan, sitting behind home plate, said, “Aw, horse beans, that’s it,” and wandered out in his khakis, grabbed a ball (he refused a glove) and mercy-finished the inning. By then the Yankees had a 6-5 lead and were on their way to a stunning victory.
The Rangers really hate playing at home. They apparently hate playing at home more than Billy, that neighborhood kid who’s always ringing on your door at 8 a.m. wanting to play Wii Tennis. Texas has not won a home game in the playoffs. They’re calling the Tampa Rays and asking if they can borrow Tropicana Field for today’s game. Someone get some Friskies and a can opener and see if DJ Kitty will come in from the yard. (Run, DJ Kitty, run for your life and dignity!)
Today’s Yankees-Rangers game starts early, at 4 p.m., which means if you are very good, your parents will let you stay up until midnight to see it finish.
Ask your parents to play the “Must Win” cookie game. Every time a TBS announcer says the Rangers face a “Must Win,” you get to eat a cookie. The game ends after 70 cookies or if you’re found jumping up and down on the coffee table in ski boots, gnawing on a copy of Architectural Digest.
Read more >>
- Reuters
- Nolan Ryan hit a higher top speed on the radar gun than everyone else who threw in the eighth inning … except Darren Aronofsky.
Most kids probably got sent to bed when the Rangers were winning 5-0. You probably fell asleep dreaming of Tonka trucks and Cold Stone Creamery and a convincing Rangers Game 1 victory. But when you woke up Saturday morning and saw the final score, you must have exclaimed, “WHAT. THE. HOT. FUDGE. SUNDAE?”
Yes, it was disturbing. The Rangers had this one in their grasp. They pounced early on Yankees ace CC Sabathia – Texas slugger Josh Hamilton stroked a three-run homer in the first inning. It was 5-0 by the end of the fourth inning. Then Mom and Dad rushed you upstairs because they didn’t want to open that second bottle of wine while you were still awake, and they had three entire episodes of “Weeds” to watch.
Hours passed, and the score remained 5-0. But then, at 3:30 a.m., the Yankees struck. First Robinson Cano hit a dinger. Then the Yankees scored five whole runs in the eighth inning. The Rangers couldn’t get anyone out. They rotated through dozens of pitchers. C.J. Wilson pitched. Darren Oliver pitched. Darren O’Day pitched. “Requiem for a Dream” director Darren Aronofsky pitched, which was very cool looking but no one understood it.
Finally Texas owner Nolan Ryan, sitting behind home plate, said, “Aw, horse beans, that’s it,” and wandered out in his khakis, grabbed a ball (he refused a glove) and mercy-finished the inning. By then the Yankees had a 6-5 lead and were on their way to a stunning victory.
The Rangers really hate playing at home. They apparently hate playing at home more than Billy, that neighborhood kid who’s always ringing on your door at 8 a.m. wanting to play Wii Tennis. Texas has not won a home game in the playoffs. They’re calling the Tampa Rays and asking if they can borrow Tropicana Field for today’s game. Someone get some Friskies and a can opener and see if DJ Kitty will come in from the yard. (Run, DJ Kitty, run for your life and dignity!)
Today’s Yankees-Rangers game starts early, at 4 p.m., which means if you are very good, your parents will let you stay up until midnight to see it finish.
Ask your parents to play the “Must Win” cookie game. Every time a TBS announcer says the Rangers face a “Must Win,” you get to eat a cookie. The game ends after 70 cookies or if you’re found jumping up and down on the coffee table in ski boots, gnawing on a copy of Architectural Digest.
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